The Odyssey Home

My hot wife Kristine did a wonderful job detailing our awesome California trip last week. Her latest post reminded me that I should record my side of the story for anyone who is interested...

So, I begin after the security checkpoint part in Kristine's story. We needed something for the boys to drink, so I bought a $5 bottle of apple juice. While the guy was ringing me up, I heard my name called over the intercom. I gave the juice to Kristine and headed to the podium, where a large Polynesian woman with crazy unkempt hair greeted me. At that time, I was told that the flight had been overbooked and I would be denied boarding because I was the last to check in. I told the lady that it would not be possible for me to do this because I was traveling with my wife, a 3 year old, and an infant, so she would just have to find someone else. I then turned and walked away. She called to me saying that she had already assigned my seat to someone else. I turned around, in complete disbelief. She said that she had booked me on a flight that would leave around 6 that night from the Long Beach Airport and there was nothing else she could do.

I went back to Kristine and the boys and told her what had happened. Kristine described the rest...

After watching Kristine and the boys board the plane by themselves, I felt sick for her. All I could do was pray that they would arrive without incident and that the boys would behave on the flight. I watched the plane take off and approached the podium again to find out if there was anything else that could be done to get me home sooner.

I started making demands to be home at the same time my wife would be home (by air, land or sea). She said that was not possible.

Here's the dialog:

Me: "What do other airlines offer?"
Big Lady: "Uhmmm"
Me: "JetBlue. United. American. Us Air. Northwest."
Big Lady: [furious typing] "No, nothing before the flight you are booked on"
Me: "What about other airports?"
Big Lady: "Uhmmm, you mean like LAX?"
Me: "LAX. Burbank. John Wayne. Ontario."
Big Lady: [more furious tying] "LAX has one leaving at 5:30..."
Me: "Sand Diego. Las Vegas. Phoenix!"
Big Lady: "I booked you on a first class seat on the 5:30"

For those of you that fly often, you know what kind of computer systems these people use. Its like using DOS to lookup information. You have to know the commands and airport codes and memorize flight numbers and carrier codes. Don't these people know the power of Expedia?! If I would have had my computer handy, I would have found something better and faster - although I was glad that Kristine had it to entertain the boys. But I digress...

The lady was helpful. Not knowledgeable. Helpful. She did everything she knew how to get me on a different flight. I figured LAX would have the most flights coming out of it and it was my best chance of getting out of the LA area quickly.

They paid for the cab, gave me a $7.00 voucher for a late lunch (good luck getting lunch for less than $7 at an airport!), and "compensated" me for my troubles with a flight voucher for Delta.com.

I showed my transportation voucher to the first driver I found. He drove a van that specialized in transporting people between airports (obviously they had discovered a niche since airlines overbook so many flights). We waited about 5 minutes in case someone else showed up and left for LAX.

On the drive, I got a call from the talented and helpful Sister Theresa. She had heard that I had been kicked off of the plane! Another side note here: people only get kicked off of planes for being drunk and unruly, saying "bomb" on the plane (ala Ben Stiller in 'Meet the Parents'), or harassing a flight attendant. None of which I did, by the way...

I assured Theresa that I was denied boarding not because of my actions, but because the plane had been overbooked. She asked if she or her parents could help with anything. I told her that I was being treated VERY well and it was Kristine that needed help. She said they would forward the news and pray for her (which definitely helped).

Upon arriving to LAX, I was pretty upset. I was a man on a mission. I was going to beat Kristine home anyway I could! I beelined for the empty 'First Class Only' line and went straight to the counter of the first available ticket agent. This man was MUCH more helpful. Very professional and obviously knew his way around their computer system. He got me on an earlier flight (3:50), again first class with my choice of window or aisle. I asked if I could get access to the Crown Room for my troubles - to which he shook his head. VERY restricted access up there, I guess... Anyway, he got me on my way and I was satisfied with what I had (although disgruntled that I wouldn't beat Kristine home).

So, I grabbed some lunch and waited at the airport while reading a newspaper. After lunch, it dawned on me that Kristine would need help in SLC with the boys. So I called up Delta and asked if they could provide special assistance because of the situation they had put us in. The lady said she would put in a request for me. It made me feel better - even though I completely distrusted Delta at this point. But, I also knew that Tim would be there. He has always been a great neighbor and is always there to help.

So, I was sitting near the podium and one of the workers picked up the RED phone. I overheard a few things from her side of the conversation which included Guns N Roses and Slash and how she knew who they were. She set down the phone and said that Slash would be on this flight to her co-worker. They both just shrugged (as if they get stuff like this all the time - and it probably does from LAX).

So, we start boarding and I don't see Slash. They start boarding the 'dreadful peons' in the back, and still no Slash - but, there are two empty seats in first class. So, everyone starts getting comfortable 0 the elitists in the front get their drinks - and in walks Slash and his wife, Perla Ferrar. He had a baseball cap on backwards, hair in a pony tail, sunglasses on, and big dangly ear rings that would put any girl I know to shame. She looked, uhm, OK...?

They plop down and we take off. The only thing interesting out of the flight I saw was that Slash reads Motor Trend (one of my fav's) and Blender. His wife had her nose burried in Luxe and US Weekly (which I found kind of humorous - do you think she was looking for articles of herself in there? She seemed VERY interested in an article about Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner - two people she might possibly know).

Anyway, we land without incident. Slash stayed on the plane to be the last one off and I ran for the terminal exit to meet up with my family. On the way, I came across lots of popparotzi. Come On People! This is UTAH! Keep your annoying cameras in California!

Anyway, Kristine described the rest. It was SO good to be home. I was so happy that Kristine had help from Tim and Kim and her little brother.

Now, any questions?